Holidays can be tough for anyone, and navigating them as a marginalized person — particularly when family members have supported policies or candidates that undermine their rights — may bring extra layers of complexity.
By preparing in advance, setting boundaries, and creating supportive spaces — whether virtual or physical — you can foster a holiday season that feels safer and more affirming.
Remember, self-care and self-respect are valid reasons to reshape holiday traditions in ways that honor and protect you.
Here are some strategies to help manage those complex dynamics:
1. Set boundaries ahead of time
- Communicate your needs: If you’re planning to attend, setting clear expectations can help everyone feel more prepared. You might let family members know which topics are off-limits, or that you’ll step away if certain issues arise.
- Take a buddy or make a plan: Having someone in your corner, whether it’s a friend on standby via text or a family member who understands your position, can be comforting and validating. If possible, consider taking a supportive friend or partner along for in-person support.
2. Consider skipping the event
- Choose alternative celebrations: More people are finding empowerment in creating “chosen family” gatherings, where they celebrate with friends and allies who respect and affirm their identities. These gatherings can provide all the holiday cheer without the strain of uncomfortable conversations.
- Digital drop-ins: If skipping the event altogether isn’t feasible, joining remotely or just “popping in” for a short while can help manage the amount of time you’re exposed to potentially challenging interactions.
3. Have a game plan for difficult conversations
- Use redirecting strategies: If political topics come up, it’s okay to deflect by saying, “I’d rather not discuss this right now—tell me about your recent trip!” Shifting the conversation can avoid confrontation while still showing engagement.
- Lean on allies in the room: If certain family members support your perspective, look to them to help steer the conversation or intervene if things become heated. Having allies on hand can make all the difference in de-escalating tense moments.
4. Create an ‘escape’ kit
- Identify self-care tools: Bring along items that help you feel grounded and safe, such as a comforting book, headphones for listening to music or a quick journaling tool on your phone to decompress when needed.
- Plan solo or quiet activities: Stepping outside, taking a break to scroll your phone or even offering to help with tasks (like setting the table) can provide a socially acceptable reason to excuse yourself from uncomfortable conversations.
5. Reframe the purpose of the gathering
- Focus on connections over conflict: You don’t have to “change minds” to make the most of family time. Set an intention to connect where possible, and remember that your worth isn’t defined by anyone else’s opinions or beliefs.
- Reflect on personal resilience: Going into these gatherings with an attitude of self-compassion can also help. Remind yourself that you’re not alone in feeling this tension; many others are grappling with similar situations, and your feelings are valid.
6. Have a safe ‘out’ plan
- Create an exit strategy: Knowing when and how to leave, even if it’s just for a breather, can be empowering. Drive yourself if possible, arrange a rideshare or even have a friend “on-call” who can give you a reason to step away if you feel overwhelmed.
- Don’t feel obligated to stay: You’re allowed to protect your peace. If at any point you feel the situation is affecting your well-being, it’s perfectly fine to excuse yourself without feeling guilty.
It's Christmas 365 